The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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