why didn't you poke me back
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
