after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
