I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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