The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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