:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
