Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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