I wish I could punch you in the face.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
