Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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