His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
