i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
