you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
