The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
