Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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