Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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