The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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