I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
