i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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