Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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