just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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