Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
