When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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