Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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