so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
