My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
