hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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