just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
as a side note pls kill me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
