What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
