dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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