Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
