you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
