I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
