shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
