1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
