Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
