Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
