i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
