you're like a bully in the Christmas story
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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