They should really pass out barf bags in church
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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