I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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