It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
