Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
