their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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