my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
