my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
