i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
