I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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