onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
