i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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