Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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