If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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