No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
