So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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